Are you allowed to feel overwhelmed even if you choose something? Even if what is overwhelming is a blessing?
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Let's say you enroll in grad school, this is something you applied for, paid tons of money for and are investing lots of time in. Can you express overwhelm? Can you express doubt and fear?
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What if you intentionally conceive or adopt a child into your life. You invited this in, are you allowed to feel overwhelmed? Can you say "Woah, this feels like too much!" Even though you invited it in?
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What if you bump up your hours at work or cut them back? Can you feel overwhelmed? bored? Even if you choose something, are your conflicted feelings about this okay?
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What if you make a new commitment in a relationship or choose to end a relationship? Are you allowed to feel stressed? Lonely? Unsure?
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I'm eagerly anticipating travel to Italy at the end of this week. This is a dream come true for me. A bucket list item. A fulfillment of a lot of work, deep friendship, an act of courage, and an investment of resources. And I've felt nervous. I'm noticing anxiety about being away from my family. I haven't travelled overseas in more than a decade. I have more fear now that I have kids. Is it okay that I planned this trip, it is a dream come true AND I have these feelings? I think so.
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Turns out, that we don't feel more peaceful if we pretend, deny or numb our feelings.
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I'm hoping that articulating this gives each of us some breathing room. To be gentle and kind to ourselves even if some of the stress, discomfort, strain, or overwhelm we are feeling is also something we chose. Maybe it is okay to be compassionate with ourselves and others even when it is a result of our choice that is causing the stress. Maybe there is truth that whatever is unfolding in our lives is an invitation to bring loving attention. Maybe it is always okay to be loving and kind. Always.
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"Meeting a feeling is about relating to the feeling, giving it the attention and understanding it needs to be transformed back into free-flowing energy....As I met each of the old, frozen feelings...with my compassionate attention, they lost their power over me." Mary O'Malley