This week I'm remembering five years ago. Five years ago I had swallowed a radioactive pill as part of treatment for Thyroid Cancer and was in isolation. Five years ago something opened up in me. Yes, a painting practice (in isolation I created my first large painting). But something else opened up in me. A softness. A compassion. A willingness to see my life with more gentleness. A willingness to see your life with more gentleness.
This elephant painting (on the left) is from 2013. Though this elephant is not my first large painting, it is a painting from this first year. I remember creating this elephant and immediately loving it. The novelty that I had done it! I had painted an elephant--it was recognizably so! Looking at it today I see vulnerability and rawness. I named this painting (on the left) "Strength". That is what I was longing for, that is what I was calling into my life.
Remembering 2013, I revisited this same canvas size, this same subject matter. It is amazing to see how five years have shaped me. How showing up with compassion and gentleness has formed me. How showing up at the canvas despite my newness, despite fear and doubt, the way I see has shifted. The way I experience life has shifted.
It is stunning to see this painting on the right that I've been working on recently. Revisiting that same canvas size. That same elephant. Curious how I see differently. There is more texture, more color, more patience with myself to spend time in the joy of it.
I believe that giving ourselves permission to show up, to do our best, to be new to something, to be more gentle and kind than we previously thought possible. Doing this will change us. I'm so grateful for the way these five years have shaped and changed me. I can't wait to see what the next five years bring.
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